in reply to martin's thought
www.martinkang.com/frontpage/thoughts/050202.html

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dude,

martin, i agree with you. not only the physical part of not really getting the rest i need, but the fact that i often look for these "resting place" in things of this world and find no rest. and the next minute i go back to the same ol thing and wonder "hmmm... i wonder if this will give me rest". i'm so stupid. i so feel like solomon when he says, "meaningless". but yet, i don't get it. like the word "meaningless" has no meaning to me.

i forget how good God is. and i can't believe that happens. maybe i haven't really experinced God at all. maybe i'm just fooling myself. i really wanna know though.

so sleeping, eating, drinking, and all the other crap i do in my daily living, or dying, i find no rest in these things in it of themselves. but i go back to it over and over again.

i wonder if i'm living like a crash test dummy. i imagine that i'm a crash dummy. "maybe this car will survive the crash and brake thru the wall... then i can be free!" no wonder they are called a "dummy". but i feel like that sometimes. i feel like i try all these different vehicles to see if one can finally brake me free from these bondage of sin. not realizing that these walls were made to "crash" these cars. all of them. there is no way any of these cars would satisfy my desire to brake free. only He can do it. He broke the wall for us. He's got the ride that never runs outta gas and no flat tire.
but this old crash dummy, goes back to the mercedes or bmws of life and say "let's try again. i came so close last time".

dummy.